Your buddy has just asked you to be his best man, his "go......to" guy on one of the biggest days of his life.
This is huge, so take it seriously, live the role and he'll never be able to thank you enough. Slack off, act like a self-interested jackass at his wedding and he may never forgive you.
I know you don't want that, so adhere to the advice below and make him happy he chose you instead of some other, lesser chump.
First things first: Your role as best man starts well before the wedding.
Bachelor party
We all know the cardinal rule of a guys' night out: What happens there stays there. Still, this isn't an ordinary night out. Discuss with your friend the kind of bachelor party he'd be into; don't surprise him with strippers if that's not what he wants.
For the groom, it might be a chance to relax and have a mellow guys' night out orhe might want strippers. It's on you to find out. Other options include camping, renting a cabin, going paintballing, or simply hitting a bar for beer, pool and pizza.
As the groom shouldn't pay for anything, be clear with those invited just what kind of expense will be required,. Finally, avoid having the party the night before the wedding; rather, plan it for the week prior so that your buddy isn't reciting his vows through a nasty hangover.
Tuxes
Arrange for all groomsmen, ushers and ring bearers to be fitted for tuxes. Be certain everyone has all the accoutrements: cufflinks, shoes, cummerbunds, everything. It'll also be your job to pick up those tuxes when ready -- whatever's missing will be on you.
Airport
Your friend will be dealing with enough family-related stress leading up to his wedding, so make yourself available to pick up guests at the airport.
Emergency numbers
Make a list of pertinent phone numbers to carry with you on the big day. This way, you can handle almost anything that might go wrong. I want you to have the number for the caterer, the parents on both sides of the marriage, the priest or officiator, the limo driver, the wedding planner, the florist, and anyone else playing even the smallest part in this wedding. To go along with that, consider keeping the numbers of backup florists, another limo company and a caterer, at the very least. Taking a few minutes to get these numbers might just save the day.
Cash reserves
Make certain you've got plenty of cash and a credit card to cover last-minute expenses as well as unexpected emergencies. Are you getting the theme yet? Be prepared.
Rehearsal
Although you're not running the show at the rehearsal, you should still be learning as much as you can about your own role as well as those of the groom and groomsmen. In the event that they weren't paying attention, it'll be your job to lead the way.
Cell phone
Don't forget to charge your cell phone overnight; otherwise that list of numbers you made won't be quite as effective. And don't forget to turn it off during the ceremony.
Sleep
The last thing you can do for your buddy before his big day is get a decent night's sleep. If you're going to do this right, you'll need the rest.
All your planning leads up to this: The wedding day.
On time
It's on you to get your buddy's ass up, dressed and to the ceremony. While you're at it, take responsibility for the groomsmen being ready and getting there as well. Play the drill sergeant if you have to; whether you like it or not, this is part of your job and you're expected to do it well.
Picture time
Same as above: When it's time for pictures, take it upon yourself to get all the boys together and ready for those all-important photos. Outlining who needs to be photographed beforehand saves time and also makes you look confident and in control.... which is a big part of your job.
Go time
In the hour or so prior to the start of the ceremony, there should be no other place you want to be than the groom's side, so stick to your buddy and put yourself at his disposal. Besides making sure he looks sharp, your man might have the jitters, so you're also there to calm him down. For example, a few years ago I was the best man at an old friend's wedding and when he started to lose it, we went outside the church and sang old metal songs from our youth.
Ring time
Keep a vigil over the ring. The pockets of rented tuxes are notoriously full of holes, a legacy of all the best men that came before you. To avoid any mishaps, keep the ring in its box, in your pocket and check on it constantly (it's only moderately funny to scramble for the ring in front of all the guests if you actually have it).
Toast time
Technically, it's contrary to good etiquette to clink glasses to get peoples' attention. Enlist the help of the band or the DJ to clarify when the toast will occur. Keep your toast short and sweet, meaning this: Avoid wild stories from the groom's youth -- you should've gotten those out during the bachelor party. The toast is the time to reflect with a bit of sentimentality on the bride and groom as a couple, throw a thanks out to the parents and guests and, finally, wish them luck. Once your speech has been made, raise your glass in your right hand and say something simple like, "A toast to Dave and Lauren," and you're done.
Whatever you do, don't wing your toast. Very, very, very few people in this world can successfully extemporize, so it's safest to assume you're not one of them. Besides, this isn't the time for the freelance stylings of the best man. Plan out your toast.
Your job is almost done; just a couple more things.
Getaway car
It's your job to organize the decoration of the getaway car. Be careful with shaving cream or anything else you put on the car and stick closely to the windows so you don't screw up the paint job. Consider attaching balloons to the bumper instead of cans. Leave a bottle of champagne in the car for them (it's not illegal if it's not open).
Chauffeur
In the absence of an arranged driver, offer your services as chauffeur to the beaming newlyweds. Drive them to the airport, the hotel or wherever else they want to go.
Tux redux
Quite possibly your last duty will be to collect all the tuxes. For every suit, go through them and make sure every single piece is there. Again, you're responsible for the tuxes and it'll be on you if anything's missing.
be the best "best man" you can be
Always keep your cool. I don't care what's going wrong; whatever you do, don't let on that something's awry and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with behind the scenes. This can be an extremely stressful day for the bride and groom; the last thing they need is a new reason to panic.
This is huge, so take it seriously, live the role and he'll never be able to thank you enough. Slack off, act like a self-interested jackass at his wedding and he may never forgive you.
I know you don't want that, so adhere to the advice below and make him happy he chose you instead of some other, lesser chump.
First things first: Your role as best man starts well before the wedding.
Bachelor party
We all know the cardinal rule of a guys' night out: What happens there stays there. Still, this isn't an ordinary night out. Discuss with your friend the kind of bachelor party he'd be into; don't surprise him with strippers if that's not what he wants.
For the groom, it might be a chance to relax and have a mellow guys' night out orhe might want strippers. It's on you to find out. Other options include camping, renting a cabin, going paintballing, or simply hitting a bar for beer, pool and pizza.
As the groom shouldn't pay for anything, be clear with those invited just what kind of expense will be required,. Finally, avoid having the party the night before the wedding; rather, plan it for the week prior so that your buddy isn't reciting his vows through a nasty hangover.
Tuxes
Arrange for all groomsmen, ushers and ring bearers to be fitted for tuxes. Be certain everyone has all the accoutrements: cufflinks, shoes, cummerbunds, everything. It'll also be your job to pick up those tuxes when ready -- whatever's missing will be on you.
Airport
Your friend will be dealing with enough family-related stress leading up to his wedding, so make yourself available to pick up guests at the airport.
Emergency numbers
Make a list of pertinent phone numbers to carry with you on the big day. This way, you can handle almost anything that might go wrong. I want you to have the number for the caterer, the parents on both sides of the marriage, the priest or officiator, the limo driver, the wedding planner, the florist, and anyone else playing even the smallest part in this wedding. To go along with that, consider keeping the numbers of backup florists, another limo company and a caterer, at the very least. Taking a few minutes to get these numbers might just save the day.
Cash reserves
Make certain you've got plenty of cash and a credit card to cover last-minute expenses as well as unexpected emergencies. Are you getting the theme yet? Be prepared.
Rehearsal
Although you're not running the show at the rehearsal, you should still be learning as much as you can about your own role as well as those of the groom and groomsmen. In the event that they weren't paying attention, it'll be your job to lead the way.
Cell phone
Don't forget to charge your cell phone overnight; otherwise that list of numbers you made won't be quite as effective. And don't forget to turn it off during the ceremony.
Sleep
The last thing you can do for your buddy before his big day is get a decent night's sleep. If you're going to do this right, you'll need the rest.
All your planning leads up to this: The wedding day.
On time
It's on you to get your buddy's ass up, dressed and to the ceremony. While you're at it, take responsibility for the groomsmen being ready and getting there as well. Play the drill sergeant if you have to; whether you like it or not, this is part of your job and you're expected to do it well.
Picture time
Same as above: When it's time for pictures, take it upon yourself to get all the boys together and ready for those all-important photos. Outlining who needs to be photographed beforehand saves time and also makes you look confident and in control.... which is a big part of your job.
Go time
In the hour or so prior to the start of the ceremony, there should be no other place you want to be than the groom's side, so stick to your buddy and put yourself at his disposal. Besides making sure he looks sharp, your man might have the jitters, so you're also there to calm him down. For example, a few years ago I was the best man at an old friend's wedding and when he started to lose it, we went outside the church and sang old metal songs from our youth.
Ring time
Keep a vigil over the ring. The pockets of rented tuxes are notoriously full of holes, a legacy of all the best men that came before you. To avoid any mishaps, keep the ring in its box, in your pocket and check on it constantly (it's only moderately funny to scramble for the ring in front of all the guests if you actually have it).
Toast time
Technically, it's contrary to good etiquette to clink glasses to get peoples' attention. Enlist the help of the band or the DJ to clarify when the toast will occur. Keep your toast short and sweet, meaning this: Avoid wild stories from the groom's youth -- you should've gotten those out during the bachelor party. The toast is the time to reflect with a bit of sentimentality on the bride and groom as a couple, throw a thanks out to the parents and guests and, finally, wish them luck. Once your speech has been made, raise your glass in your right hand and say something simple like, "A toast to Dave and Lauren," and you're done.
Whatever you do, don't wing your toast. Very, very, very few people in this world can successfully extemporize, so it's safest to assume you're not one of them. Besides, this isn't the time for the freelance stylings of the best man. Plan out your toast.
Your job is almost done; just a couple more things.
Getaway car
It's your job to organize the decoration of the getaway car. Be careful with shaving cream or anything else you put on the car and stick closely to the windows so you don't screw up the paint job. Consider attaching balloons to the bumper instead of cans. Leave a bottle of champagne in the car for them (it's not illegal if it's not open).
Chauffeur
In the absence of an arranged driver, offer your services as chauffeur to the beaming newlyweds. Drive them to the airport, the hotel or wherever else they want to go.
Tux redux
Quite possibly your last duty will be to collect all the tuxes. For every suit, go through them and make sure every single piece is there. Again, you're responsible for the tuxes and it'll be on you if anything's missing.
be the best "best man" you can be
Always keep your cool. I don't care what's going wrong; whatever you do, don't let on that something's awry and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with behind the scenes. This can be an extremely stressful day for the bride and groom; the last thing they need is a new reason to panic.
Post a Comment