Women, by contrast, are a little more complicated. The traits attractive women look for in a man are often like grocery lists of prioritized criteria that they use to determine whether or not a guy is dateable. And female criteria are significantly more nuanced than the monosyllabic qualities men tend to look for: “nice,” “hot” and “smart.”
Recognizing that some guys could use some help understanding the female wish list, we’ve put together this list of the top 10 things women want.
Independence
Women want to know that a man can take care of himself. They want a guy who is capable and independent, able to make his own decisions, pay his rent, and cook dinner for himself. Despite what you might think, no woman wants to be your mother (besides, of course, your mother). One of the top 10 things women want is to know that you are capable of carrying your own weight in a relationship. A guy who is in constant need of reassurance, companionship, help, motivation, and advice is a turnoff.
Looks
Women are called the fairer sex for a reason. They’re much, much better looking than we are, what with our sharp angles, our hairy backs and our doughy centers. It is truly one of their great virtues that women are willing to spend so much time in our company despite our undeniably simian appearance.
Still, despite their good nature, women care about looks too (if not quite as much as men do). Thus, it wouldn’t hurt to at least try to minimize the degree to which you remind them of a monkey. Women aren’t asking for much. Try to keep yourself well-groomed. Wear clothes that fit, and at least make an effort to keep yourself in shape.
Positivity
Positivity is the next item on our list of the top 10 things women want. Cynicism and sarcasm have their place, but nobody wants to be with someone who is sarcastic and cynical all of the time. It’s exhausting. By contrast, being in the presence of someone with a positive outlook on life can actually be energizing. An optimistic person makes others feel good; his optimism can be contagious, even inspiring. That’s why it’s one of the top 10 things women want.
Communication skills
We often tease women about their capacity for conversation. However, men ignore the female inclination to talk at their peril. Women place a priority on guys they can talk to, who can express themselves and who are at least willing to listen to them when they talk about their concerns, hopes and desires.
You should also know that the communication skill that trumps all others is the ability to be attentive. Sometimes, all a woman needs you to do is listen. This is hard for us guys, because we’re very “action-oriented.” We think of every conversation as a prelude to some necessary action (otherwise, why talk?), but that’s not always the case. If you can show a woman you have the capacity to pay attention to her, it will radically improve your chances.
Sociability
A woman wants a guy who can carry on a conversation with her coworkers at a dinner party and also has the good sense not to swear in front of her mother.
Women want a guy with a high social IQ. They don’t want a wallflower or the strong silent type. Perhaps, most of all, they just want to know you won’t go catatonic when faced with a group of people you don’t know.
Intelligence
Many women find smarts as sexy as physical appearance. For some of us, this can be frustrating, because, let’s face it, we’d all like to be smarter, and at one time or another we’ve all felt like the dumbest guy in the room. Avoid running your mouth on subjects you know nothing about. Better to be suspected a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Passion
Passion is another one of the top 10 things women want. The reasons should be pretty obvious. If a woman is thinking about spending any time with you, she’d like to know that she can look forward to adventure, excitement, commitment, devotion, and great sex. Thus, if a guy wants to be wanted, he has to show a woman he’s passionate.
Enthusiastically extolling the virtues of your fantasy baseball team is OK, but it’s much better to be passionate about something a little more serious, like your job or a humanitarian cause. Women love to see that you’re passionate, because in their minds passion in one sphere of life that can be transferred into another sphere of life, namely the bedroom.
Sense of humor
A good sense of humor is one of the qualities women almost always mention when listing off the things they look for in a man. We all know how much more fun funny people are than dull, grumpy people. Now this does not mean you need to be “the life of the party.” Women typically don’t gravitate toward drunken buffoons. A good sense of humor just means you know how to tell and take a joke.
Ambition
Men too often think that all women care about is money, but that’s nonsense. Sure it may be true of some women, just as it’s true of some men, but women aren’t characteristically attracted to rich guys. The reason women gravitate toward men with successful careers isn’t because of the size of their paychecks, but rather because their success at work is indicative of certain attractive personality traits: commitment, discipline, strong work ethic — all of which are things that will likely make a guy a good partner.
Confidence
As you’ve read over this list of the top 10 things women want, you’ve probably noted some areas in which you excel and others you could work on. Maybe you’re a smart, sociable guy with a great sense of humor, but you could use some help in the ambition department. Maybe you’re a great-looking guy with expert communication skills, but you’ve yet to find the one thing you’re really passionate about. Here’s the good news: Confidence is the one thing women consistently say they want in a man.
Confidence is king. That means even if you can’t categorize yourself as “the total package,” as long as you feel good about what you have to offer, and as long as you’re comfortable with yourself, you have a shot.
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